Barmington Bimble, 2023

The annual Barmington Bimble is a favourite race for GRC members. The course is a simple out-and-back, but with one small twist; it’s 5K up and down an absolute sod of a mystical mountain, Barmingus, that only exists for one night of the year, the 1st of April.

53 members of the Club assembled at the start line in Barmington to be pelted with rotten veg, which Barmington RC claim is an ancient tradition before the Bimble, going back to the time of King Maddan, circa 1100 BC, even though Barmington didn’t exist until 1935, when a man fell off the High Dyke and decided to remain there.

Back first for the Club was Obidiah Blank in 13 hours, 24 minutes and 12 seconds. He had been greatly helped by the fact that he’d disturbed the Old Man of Barmingus by accidentally booting his collection of Argos catalogues while negotiating a particularly nasty ravine. The old boy chased him back down waving a stout stick. Still, a win’s a win, and the winner’s commemorative hanky was a particularly vivid green this year, matching the GRC livery.

Second back – sort of – was Mildred Smithers, but she’d got lost the previous year when the mountain disappeared with the sunrise, so technically, not second. Nice to have you back, Milly!

Third was most of Brian Dunce, who left his pants in a holly bush.

None of the other starters managed to return. The Club’s best year ever, and the people of Barmington said they were very grateful for our participation every year and looked forward to a really good harvest, although they were keen to stress there was certainly no connection between how many members we lose each year and how good the harvest is. They weren’t really sure why they’d mentioned it, actually, and we should just forget about it. The Mayor of Barmington also said he had no idea why no other clubs had taken part again, but they definitely didn’t only invite us.

Report by Lirf Loofa

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